The Yoga Mat of Life

I started taking yoga classes eight years ago. Like most newbies, I start in the back corner of the studio -- partly to watch the other more experience yogis, but mostly to hide myself and my amateur abilities from everyone else. As I continued with my yoga practice, I grew in confidence and ability. With this, I slowly moved my mat forward, first halfway up against a wall, so I had support for balance poses, but ultimately ended up in the front row. I found that in the front row, I could focus more on my practice and pay less attention to my classmates, which in yoga terms, means focusing on your drishti.

Four years ago, I switched studios and I found that rather than focusing on how my mat was positioned relative to the other yogis, I would place my mat based on whether I wanted a warmer or cooler spot. I had become confident enough to focus on what I needed that particular day.

Two months ago, I sustained a significant knee injury. I was unable to practice yoga for a month. I desperately missed everything about my yoga practice. So, last month, I shyly put on my brace and limped into the studio -- straight to the far back corner. Part of my rationale was that the corner would provide me with two points of contact should I need it, as I knew my strength and balance were greatly reduced as a result of my injury. However, if I am being completely honest with myself, it was mostly because I knew I would have to modify many of the poses and I wanted to hide away in the back with my assumed inadequacy. Over the last few weeks, I've continued to make a purposeful effort to arrive early enough to claim that spot - my spot of ineptitude. My confidence still too low to place my mat elsewhere despite the fact that I had rarely found myself needing the wall during my practice.

During my practice this morning, my instructor had us moving around our mats in such a way that we were frequently facing the side or the back of our mat. Suddenly, I was back in the "front" row. Despite being very aware that I was now in the "front" of the studio, while I was moving through the poses I could and modifying the poses I could not, I focused on how happy I was just to be there and to be practicing. How amazing it felt to move my body through these beautiful, strong poses, even the modified ones. I started to feel a sense of acceptance of the modification rather than one of disappointment or frustration. And while I'm not sure I'm quite ready to be back in the front of the studio on purpose, I certainly no longer feel like I need to hide in the back. Yes, my injury is a setback and it's annoying, but it doesn't define who I am or whether I am able to continue to enjoy and reap the immense benefits from my yoga practice.

Just like my yoga mat, sometimes you need to move out of your comfort zone or have life put you back in the front row to start to accept yourself where you are right now. Be fully present in where you are and what you can do at this moment. My client, Delaney (all names have been changed to ensure privacy), is terrified to move out of her comfort zone. She refuses to move up in her music or try out for higher position in the orchestra because she is worried about how much harder the work will be and whether she will be good enough to be part of that elevated position. My goal is to have Delaney focus on what she loves and gains from continuing to grow in her music, rather than how she will appear to others, to be comfortable being in the front of the classroom rather than hiding in the back. Ultimately, this is our life and altering where we sit or what we pursue in an effort to alter how we appear to others should not even be a consideration.