The power of retreats & the freedom of forgiveness.

A little less than a month ago, I attended my third yoga retreat. When preparing for a retreat, I always meditate on what I’d like my intention for that retreat to be. With my first retreat, I was searching for direction and healing. On my second retreat, my intention involved becoming more present and mindful. This year, my retreat happened to fall at the end of a very full spring and summer that included my son’s graduation and college move-in, a beach trip, and my daughter’s summer camp. As a result of our full summer schedule, I felt like my mindfulness had dropped off and so I decided my intention would be to continue to work on my mindfulness journey. 

However, over dinner on our first night, my yoga teacher asked us all to reflect on something we would like to release while on this retreat. Releasing something was not part of my original intention and I was caught off guard by this suggestion. Always the good student, I thought about her request that night. What would I like to release? Was there something I was holding on to that was causing me suffering? Yes ~ I wanted to release the resentment and hardness that I was still holding for those who refused to help me when I was struggling.

I have never been good at forgiveness, as I was never willing to remove accountability from those who had done wrong in my eyes. It wasn’t until this retreat that I really dove into the definition of forgiveness. The American Psychological Association defines forgiveness as “Willfully putting aside feelings of resentment toward an individual who has committed a wrong, been unfair or hurtful, or otherwise harmed one in some way. Forgiveness is not equated with reconciliation or excusing another, and it is not merely accepting what happened or ceasing to be angry. Rather, it involves a voluntary transformation of one’s feelings, attitudes, and behavior toward the individual, so that one is no longer dominated by resentment.” It took me 49 years to realize that forgiving others does not require you to excuse others’ actions. This was a monumental realization for me and it was absolutely life-changing. With this new definition of forgiveness and the experience of the retreat, I was able to replace that hardness in my heart with a softness and it feels incredibly refreshing and freeing. For those who study Buddhism, this is akin to removing or redirecting the second arrow. The first arrow represents the initial painful experience, while the second arrow refers to our response to that insult. It is our response that causes ongoing suffering. I decided that holding that hardness was only hurting me and I didn’t deserve that. I did not deserve to continue to suffer.

For those who have never participated in a yoga retreat, I cannot express enough how special and magical these experiences have been. Every year, I present with a different intention and every year, I am amazed to witness that intention come to realization. My first yoga retreat, two and a half years ago, literally saved my life. I made some momentous life decisions during that trip because I was given the time and space to ask myself what I needed while being in an environment that encouraged me to practice self-awareness, self-care and self-love. I feel so blessed to be able to participate in these retreats and am incredibly proud of myself for knowing how imperative these trips are for me and making them a priority. As I continue my journey of self-care and self-love, I will continue to impart these valuable lessons to my clients.