The Epidemic of "What's next?"

Last week, I applied for a marketing grant from one of our local magazines. I've been worrying all week that I would not be chosen as a finalist and move on to the vote. Today, I received the email congratulating me for being chosen as a finalist. The email continued on to say that the proof of our profile for the article would be sent out to us soon. I text my husband a screenshot of the email. He called me and excitedly told me, "Congratulations!" I replied, "Thank you. I can't wait to see my profile." He then asked, "Have you taken a moment to take this in and be excited? You've been worried all week and you just received the news you have been waiting for." I realized then that the moment I received the email, I started thinking of what the next email would say and doubting whether I could possibly go on to win this grant.

One of the primary topics of discussion that I have with my clients who struggle with perfectionism and overachieving is whether they take time to celebrate an accomplishment before moving on to planning for and worrying about the next task. We live in a performance and achievement focused culture, but rather than focusing on reaching one achievement, our society views each accomplishment as a step to the next big accomplishment. Just look at the structure of our youth sports leagues. When my oldest was in preschool, we signed him up for the local soccer league. I quickly learned that where the number designations of the levels originally correlated with the ages of the players, most players "played up" by one or two levels. So, eight year olds would typically play level U10 or even higher. Beyond elementary school, children are often quickly moved into more intense "challenge" or "travel" leagues. The academic realm is similar. When I was in high school, there were typically a handful of AP classes offered and only seniors would take those courses. Now, it's not uncommon to see ninth graders taking several AP classes in a year. Where high school students used to take mostly high school levels courses, now, high schoolers are often taking multiple college level courses every year.

Our society is so focused on outperforming and overachieving that we rarely take time to look at a particular accomplishment with a sense of pride. Successful completion of one task just indicates that it is time to move on to the next task. Aced an algebra test? Okay, but I'm not ready for my science exam! Accepted into one of the colleges I applied to? Good, but what if I'm not accepted to the other schools I applied to? Beat my PR in cross country? That's fine, but I'm still only ranked 4th on my team, so I need to get faster.

We need to celebrate our wins. By taking a moment to absorb our successes, we make room in our brain for those positive memories. To ensure our survival, our brain's default is to more readily store the negative experiences, so we need to make an active effort to store the positive memories. Increasing the number of positive experiences we have stored in our memory will improve our confidence and sense of self-worth. This is why a gratitude or "glimmer" practice can be so helpful for your mental health.

Our culture makes it extremely difficult to allow ourselves time to feel good about what we've done. I try to teach my clients to not only make a checklist of tasks, but also break down and list components of larger tasks. Checking off completed tasks gives them a little dopamine bump. They then need to take a moment to appreciate and celebrate themselves for completing those tasks. This will provide a small rise in serotonin. To top it off, I recommend they share these successes with someone who cares about them and will be proud of them. Receiving positive messages from loved ones adds a sprinkle of oxytocin (the love hormone). These small neurotransmitter boosts can help improve mood and self-esteem before moving on to "What's Next".

Taking a moment to celebrate my win, I've included my MOMprenuer Finalist badge in this post!